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Description of Parenting Plan Development:
The DEVELOPMENT OF A PARENTING PLAN is required by the courts for all divorcing parents. A Child Specialist can assist parents in developing a well-thought out Plan that truly addresses the needs of each of their individual children. In facilitated discussion the parents share their interests and concerns about each of their children, paying special attention to differentiating each child's uniqueness. The most successful Parenting Plans address short and long term needs that can be anticipated as well as contingencies for addressing circumstances as they evolve over time. The experience of developing this plan together, reaching mutual agreements and set the stage for respectful communication in the future.
Numerous post-divorce conflicts are related to Parenting Plans written in generalities, lacking specifics to address specific situations, considering changes that may be needed as children mature, and procedures to be followed if an agreement can not be reached. In the midst of a divorce, the focus is primarily on the present and the immediate future often making it more difficult to consider how the needs of young children will evolve as they progress through the teenage years. Parents who are able to anticipate these issues will have an easier time addressing them since they have a starting place, and can then take into consideration new information and modify their thinking to fit the current situation. The former is easier then waiting until problems arise and then having to address them from the perspective of conflicting parental values or a crisis. When the latter approach is chosen it is more likely to lead to blaming the other parent for the teenagers issues.
When both parents are able to sit down together and participate in the process of developing the Parenting Plan, they are more likely to be committed. The plan will hopefully reflect both parents beliefs, values, and goals that they have for their children's growth and development. In addition, parents may want to consider how they will incorporate their children's teenage voices into their parenting decisions, and the process by which "joint decision-making" will prevail despite adolescent attempts to "split the parents," to get one parent to be on their side. When divorced parents are vulnerable to this splitting because of needs to be the "preferred parent," it is likely that the level of conflict will inadvertently or intentionally increase between the parents. When this happens it often activates old wounds of perceived betrayals from the past in the marriage.
After the parents have agreed upon a Parenting Plan they may choose to have it reviewed by an attorney for its compliance with the standards set in the statutes. Once mutual agreement to the Parenting Plan has been reached it is submitted to the Court and becomes an order of the Court unless some issues remain disputed that will need to be resolved through Alternative Dispute Resolution or Litigation.
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