 SERVICES OFFERED AT STONEY CREEK FAMILY RESOURCES:
CFI - Child & Family Investigator
SPSP - Shared Parenting Support Program
Mediation
PC - Parenting Coordination
Divorce Coaching
Parenting Plan Development
Therapy for Children of Divorcing/Divorced Parents
We understand from 20+ years of experience working with families going through the Process of Divorce, people are rarely prepared for the journey on which they have embarked. In some cases the divorcing couple are pretty well aware of the issues they are in agreement on and those that will be areas of disagreement. Sometimes, the journey is more like a rollercoaster ride on which you go along relatively smoothly and then can see some sudden movements coming and others that take you by surprise. This transition period of being a divorcing couple and divorcing parents is challenging for most with heightened emotionality, territoriality, and issues of possessiveness as well as self-esteem are dominant. As soon as an attorney or attorneys become involved the process is most likely to become adversarial with Win-Lose mindsets. Friends and family may choose or be recruited to align with one partner, setting up camps from which to fuel fires. Unfortunately when it goes in this direction children feel the heat of the fire and respond emotionally and behaviorally. Children do not know nor should they need to know what is a safe distance for them to be standing away from the fire. Their parents may not be fully present, being preoccupied with their rights, and less able to stay aware of their children's presence and needs. It is normal to be more self-centered when your stability has been shaken up, people go into survival mode and "put on their own oxygen masks first." This is a time when it may be beneficial if both parents can agree that they are having difficulty staying attuned to how their children are being affected by the divorce that they choose a therapist for them who is experienced in working with children whose parents are divorcing. This requires the parents agreeing that they are not in the best place at this time to be aware of how their children are doing emotionally and that they would like their children to make a healthy adjustment to their new life of parents living in separate homes and going back and forth between them. Seeking guidance for yourselves as divorcing parents on how to best help your children through this transition is an intelligent decision. Children deserve to be kept emotionally insulated from their parents' disagreements and at a safe distance from the fire.
Many parents do not recognize or are unaware that Separation or Divorce are not a "fix" for communication difficulties. The barriers to respectful and informative communication that were present when the whole family lived together are likely to still be there. Parents and children will benefit when respectful and informative communication is the norm and the payoff will be seen in children's behavior. Children will copy their role models responses to frustration, disappointment, feelings of betrayal, etc which is important to remember when you consider disciplining a child for inappropriate behavior. First, you might want to consider have they learned this response from another adult? If so, then a better response may be Educational rather than disciplinary. Children need to know that their Mom and Dad are able to communicate with each other, in order to feel secure that they can transition between households. Children are dependent upon their parents and their ability to trust and feel secure can be strengthened or undermined by their parents' behavior.
For more information you may contact us at:
TEL: 303.779.1699
EMAIL: sharona@drsharona.com
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